Hey, did you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world?
Cheesy, I know. I catch myself singing it to Bella all the time.
Because she’s gorgeous.
How do you make the best of the anniversary of the worst day of your life?
Aug. 20 marked one year since Shep left us. I hadn’t been looking forward to the day, knowing I was the one who made the painful decision to end his life. I still struggle with that, even with the awareness it was the best course of action for him and ailing, aging body.
I wanted to find a way to honour him.
I have chronic insomnia.
It’s been going on for more than 20 years. As a newspaper reporter, I stared at the ceiling instead of sleeping, worrying about typos or misspellings in my copy … knowing that our readers — especially the ones I called my friends — wouldn’t miss the opportunity to jump down my throat about any errors.
“Are you going to start hiking again,” someone asked when she learned of Bella’s addition to the family.
When Shep’s old age started to creep up on us, our hikes in the Rocky Mountains became short strolls in the lowlands. We couldn’t do extended days to the Ink Lakes anymore.
We had to stick to lazy days at Two Jack Lake and Lake Minnewanka, always sticking close to water for quick cooldowns.
Puppies are different.
Yes, it was a quick decision.
Maybe too quick.
I’m still not sure.
Here’s what I am sure of:
- My heart remains shattered
- I cry every day … several times
- I still look for his goofy grin and listen for the click-click-click of his toenails across the laminate floor
- I tell My American I’m fine but I’m not fine
- I’m sure I will be fine but it won’t be tomorrow or the next day
Shep was my best friend. When he died almost two weeks ago, a part of me died, too.